God's Love reigns.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16

Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

God has my life. All of it. He loves me unconditionally. I love him unconditionally.

Thank You Lord.

dream big little one.

I want to jump out of an airplane. I want to go to Egypt. I want to help children in Africa. I want to be a psychologist. I want to swim in beautiful green water. I want to change people's lives. I want to stop children molestation. I want to preach God's word. I want to bring people to christ. I want to be an inspiration. I want to see the eiffel tower. I want to drink wine and eat cheese and baguette in Paris. I want to own a closet. (maybe a walk-in..haha) I want to be famous some how. I want to win the lottery. I want to be happy. I want to be married. I want 2 kids. I want a golden retriever && a husky. I want to make people happy. I want to share. I want to forget about how I used to be. I want to do the grouse grind. I want to do the polar bear swim. I want to walk in a desert. I want to be organized. I want to be bright. I want to be smart. I want to get good grades. I dont want to use excuses. I want to go to school, get my Ph.D. I want to be successful. I want to love. I want to be passionate. I want to be proud. This I will dream. I CAN.

those steps that need to be taken.

I knew this year would be big for me. Believe me i knew. But for it to be big, I had to be broken. I had to be so low, and so hurt and so done that I needed to give up. I needed that, so that I could see my world. What it had become. I know my parents arent impressed with me. I can see it on their faces. I feel so far from the relationship that I once had with them. And I hate that. I dont want to lie, and blame anyone but myself. I know I have changed. I dont want to disappoint anyone else anymore. I want to change. And I have God to thank. I was so low you guys. I was so broken. I felt like my life was a mess.. and I put a rug over it, sweeping all the bad things in my life under the rug, trying to hide what I was going through, to hide who I was becoming. I am so glad that i got the oppurtunity to see this and now I can work towards getting my life back, work on being happy. To dream again, to believe in life, and that anything is possible. lets do this. Im going to do this.

you sprayed poison on me.

Salesman: do you like your job?

Kylie: Yea..

Salesman: really? because you never smile..
Kylie: ....oh?

Salesman: its true.. even when people are being cheerful towards you, you never smile.

Kylie.......
Salesman: maybe your just bored?

Kylie.. hmm.. yea maybe

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT? honestly I want to cry. He has no right in talking to me like that. He has no idea what I go through. Who does he think he is? Agh. He is so wierd, and creepy. AND STOP TALKING TO ME YOU FREAK. GOSH. omg. I am on a rampage right now. I am between wanting to ball my eyes out, and smacking him in the face. I mean how rude can you get. FYI i do fricken smile. ALOT. But only when I want to. I am not going to put on a fricken fake smile, I had done that for a few years already. I dont want to go back there, So screw off you hippy. I dont want your "health water".

Way to make my day a little worse.

GR.

Kylie.

annie heres your telescope.

This world is sick. I had a brief discussion with my mom, my sister and Donavin yesterday on this worlds state. I had mentioned that I am afraid for my future children to live in this world. What certain people have made it to be. We started talking about all the child pornography out there, and the purpose behind it.. there isnt one. The episodes of Oprah, regarding children from 26 days old to 10 years old being molested and raped... babies with soothers. I started to cry. I cried for the kids who have gone through it, and have had this dreadful and frightening experience. And I cried for the kids that it hasnt happened to yet but eventually will. To take that experience from a child is disgusting, and it hurts me that children in this world are suffering from these men who think its okay, who think its right, who want to get pleasure from a fricken child. I feel sick to my stomach when I think of them, and even sicker to think of a child being faced with the emotional stress of it, being exposed to sexual images, images that will scar them for life, and being forced to do things they didnt even know could be done. My heart hurts for them. I feel helpless and so distant from being able to help them.

hoping to make a change.
kylie

you are my world.

I am so glad that I have the friends that I have. They make my life amazing and worth while. Thank you SO much guys.
br.ch.ts.cd.kn.dm.dr.sr.ai.cd.jf.ad.sd.lb.bk.jm.th.cd.

And I'd melt the world with my eyes.

Just look at me. Really look at me. I'm growing up, look at me. Today I wrote my last exam for this semester. I have a paper still due, but the fact of the matter is, I wrote my last exam. I thought of being in middle school today. I thought of being told what to do, when to eat lunch, when to go to class, when to go outside, when to go inside, when to run, when to sit still, when to be quiet, etc. That's great. It really is, but if you really analyze it, you notice that its very structured. High school is not that much better, they still structure your life. Don't get me wrong, structure is very good. School does not prepare you for the real world. there. I said it. SCHOOL DOES NOT PREPARE YOU FOR THE REAL WORLD.
Because I'll tell you right now, being in college, people don't tell you what to do, when to eat lunch, when to go to class, when to go outside, when to go inside, when to run, when to sit still, when to be quiet etc. They don't. Its scary when you first get out there.. where there is no structure. Because its up to you. This is what being an adult is like. Of course there is commitments, bills, obligations. But the definer of being an adult, is making your life structured. Its not a teacher, or a principal or a boss telling you. Its you. and the question is.. Do you have what it takes? Can you say that you are ready to make your life structured.. because I know I wasn't. Me in charge of my life? It sounds scary. I have to arrange time to do schoolwork, to work, to get to work, to get home, to spend time at Youth, Church, with friends, and time for me. I will admit, I have been a crappy friend, and a girlfriend. I can only blame myself. I am not used to structuring my life yet, and it will take some more time. But I have finally realized why this is so difficult for me. And I hope this will prepare you for what is to come once you throw that cap in the air, and you are no longer a student at a high school.
I believe it is now time I change my title to my blog, since I am no longer a high school graduate, I am a college go-er!

Cheers.
Kyyyylie. ♥

Shakespeare will make it better.

I love my new water bottle. Its blue and small and cute, and everything anyone could ever ask for in a water bottle. I have a theory. A theory that will change my outlook on life. My theory is im bored. I am not happy. I am bored. I have been working at the same job for over a year now. Im bored. I have been in school now for a year now.. and im bored. Furthermore my theory is that I will soon be happy once I am done school, and get a new job. Now Now.. you might be thinking well.. you cant solve your unhappiness with a new job, and some time of school.. but you might be surprised. This gives me an ounce of hope, and im tremendously interested where I end up.

Im sorry im bitter. forgive me.

tressla.
kylie.

When Dawson Loved Joey.

In that hot bed, I can see a million things that make me happy.
waking up at 6 am, to watch Dawsons Creek.
Being 5&6 and wearing the same shirt my dad picked out for me.
Being a vegetarian.
going on the california screaming 9 times. in a row.
seeing him in the pool, and having him follow me.
talking to him about his hair. that he cut with scissors himself.
playing go-fish with uncle wally.
going on the revelation with her.
going to the library and mcdonalds for breakfast.
playing house with them.


but why am i surprised.. that I dont have much that made me happy? my childhood was not happy. and you cant change the past.

Good Morning Easter.

What is more important? making yourself happy, or making other people happy?

Most of you would say making yourself happy.. and yet we are always told not to disappoint people. I'm stuck in a pickle, a pickle I made for myself. I cannot blame anyone else. But the damage this pickle is doing is very tremendous, and could scar people for life, myself included. I have not told anyone. So for all those people out there who think you know what I'm talking about, you don't. And I will continue not to tell anyone. Because no one is on my side for this battle. No one will agree with me. I am alone.


So wait for me on that cold dark night, and hear those owls. And put those stars in your pocket, because you're going to need them. You're going to need them. Because I don't know if I'm going to show. I don't know if I will come. I don't know if I will satisfy. So have those stars. Because you're going to need them.

for lack of better topics.

Im so selfish. Im not thinking of you, im thinking of me. my body is undeniably suffering. the beach was fun, it could have been a blast.. but it wasnt. yea lets plan things.. things that will probably never happen. Im doing bad things, to the people I love. I hang out with my sister, sometimes she is the only one i can trust. he thinks I am hot, and thinks i should be single. I feel so alone. I miss her so much, I actually cry. this whole time, what have i done? what is the opposite of improve? because.. whatever it is.. thats what i am. I honestly suck at life, so please for the time being.. dont rely on me to help you out, or to be a good friend. because im sucking at everything right now.

its that raw emotion that gets to ya.

Im so broken. You have alot to say. I have alot to learn. I need to feel this way. Its been awhile. lets be friends again. lets love each other. why are you tempting me. why are you tempting me. why are you tempting me. i sinned. im sorry. this world aint big enough for the two of us. can you please back off. can you please give me my space. its not fun when you smother me. the excitement of old things scare me. I want to be new. I want to be fresh. i didnt need to be talked about behind my back thank you. I didnt need that today. im starting an obsession. I hate how people follow. I need to sleep and I need to be awake. this is important. just breathe. just breathe. where is the fun. im in between adult and adult. without the fun. can you catch this star, i wished upon it. ;] how come i like him more than usual? how come im talking to him more. how come he fascinates me? gr. im so lost. and this isnt really helping. it doesnt even come close to all the emotion that im feeling right now. no no no
gr. someone get me some nyquil!!!