get me some sunshine & some lemonade.

Ray Keeps eating Chris and Rocco's Werthers. I tell him to stop, but does he? NO. I feel jealous. I feel upset. But do i? I dont know anymore. I am getting more shifts. This makes me feel like im accomplishing things. This guy always eyes me up and down, and gives me that i-want-to-do-you smile. [ I am repelled ] I think its time to go back and face the gym. It has missed me, and my body has missed it. I took the twins to the park today. It was a blast. Oh for sure. Sorry Ayren, I think your a gonner. Susan almost cried today when she told me how much i mean to her. :) I need to go tanning again. BADLY. I watched vantage point last night. pretty good. If you have ears read this statement. I have no ears... Oh well thats ashame. shall we buy you some? maybe.. but i dont know if i can afford them. hmm.. better open a savings account. My friend is in New Zealand. and guess what???? I miss him like crazy, with every ounce of me. I need to see him and feel him and hear him. I have mysterious bug bites on my legs, and I blame courtney for them, I got them from her bed. bah. Jon & Kate died in my books. They dont deserve my respect anymore. Billy Mays died. Who will promote Oxyclean now? maybe I will? okay. I will.
BUY OXYCLEAN NOW OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE A MOST HORRIFYING DEATH. ok? Buy it. I guess i should also mention the king of pop. yes yes. Michael Jackson died. Im sorry MJ. I loved your music kid. Britnee's birthday is tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRITNEE. I love you. and i needed that phone call. Wherever tess speller is. I know she somehow follows my blog still. I miss you and I love you and I wear that bracelet you gave me everyday++ I use the purse. :) I think we all need some good times. OK. I am going to Greenday this saturday.. guess with who? oh.. yea.. greenday. Im going backstage.. and on stage to perform with them. OF COURSE NOt. why would you believe me? NO NO. im going with my mom and my sister, and Corrine, and Taylor, and Nathan, and Anna, and Jeremy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY! oh it never gets old. I read a book called before I die, and well,, the girl in it dies.. BUT she learns that life shouldnt be taken so serious. OK?? ok. I wont take it seriously. and when i fall and scrape my knee, i will just laugh. because you cant take it seriously. ohhhhhhh KYLE NEWMAN. I miss kyle Newman. He left me for Mexico and I feel as if i cannot breathe. my cellphone is broked. like seriously. BROKEN. July 16 is my one year anniversary with Donavin Robinson. Could that be my future last name?? maybe soo... lets drink water and eat timbits. they are the wholes from doughnuts. that makes me happyy. Am i done yet? I dont know am i? I guess I should mention Ryan, Ryan is funny because he is always hungover. oh silly ryan. come to vancouver soon so we can be friends for real PLEASeE.
well well. I am most definately tired, pooped, exhausted, dead.
I will post soon.. or maybe not.
Last shoutout for the day is to my #1 cuz. he is asian,, please dont be rascist towards him.
I love him and i think he is funny.
I love you bretty.
ok ok.
ciao bellas.
kkylieeeee

a song. past. present. future.

Gone, she's gone How do you feel about it That's what I thought You're real torn up about it And I wish you the best But I could do without it And I will, because you've worn me down Oh, I will, because you've worn me down Worn me down like a road I did everything you told Worn me down to my knees I did everything to pleaseBut you can't stop thinking about her No, you can't stop thinking about her And you're wrong, you're wrong I'm not overreacting Something is off Why don't we ever believe ourselves And I, oh, I feel that word for you And I will, because you've worn me down Oh, I will because you have worn me down Worn me down like a road I did everything you told Worn me down to my knees I did everything to please But you can't stop thinking about her No, you can't stop thinking about her She's so pretty; she's so damn right But I'm so tired of thinking About her tonight Worn me down like a road I did everything you told Worn me down to my kneesI did everything to pleaseBut you can't stop thinking about herNo, you can't stop thinking about herWorn me down like a roadI did everything you told Worn me down to my knees I did everything to please Worn me down like a road I did everything you told to me to do But you, you can't stop thinking about her No, you can't stop thinking about her No, you can't stop thinking about her No, you can't stop thinking about her

my little T.

I really love her so much.

she is so strong.

and so full of life.

everyone could learn some lessons from this girl.

I love you T.

ya'll dont know me.

i know im not alone,

but

sometimes,

i feel it.

the day of dads.

Today is fathers day. Anyone who knows me really well knows that I cannot call my dad really anything besides 'daddy' or 'pappy'. I am almost nineteen years old, and still for the life of me cannot call my dad, 'dad', to his face that is, of course if i am speaking of him i will call him dad, and refer to him as my dad in pictures, and in text, but to his face, when I am talking to him, I need to call him daddy.

I have realized this is somewhat embarassing, when you think of me, out in public, at a store, at a zoo, at a dinner shin-dig, and I go to address him "daddy"... yea well, you can just imagine, the thoughts people are thinking, [did you really just call your dad that?] [is she a little girl?] believe me, i know this, and yet its like something inside me is preventing that word to come out when i go to address him. Its like when you cant get food down and you gag, your body doesnt want it. my body doesnt want me to say dad.

so now that you are filled in. Its fathers day. I am at work and I feel just terrible that I cant do something cool with my dad today. although we will do presents and dinner when I get home, its just not the same without my dad.

I have my dad to thank for alot of things. For one he is very quiet, and passive in a way. He isnt your typical overly protective father. He didnt threaten to kill my boyfriend, and I dont really have a specific curfew. We arent as close as some fathers and daughters are, but we have similarities, that i cherish. For example, I have his laugh, his eyes, and i think his nose... I am sensitive like him, im goofy like him, and i like to think we have the same sense of humour.

With this whole school issue, It is my dad who is always pushing me, who wants me to succeed, his dissapointment is only so strong because he wants me to be happy and to do well.
and now, on top of failing myself, im failing my parents, my dad especially as well. My parents raised me better then this. And I will show them. I will show my dad.

I love my dad, he is amazing.
I love you daddy.

kylie.

barf bag needed.

im finally doing it.
I AM DOING IT.
congratulations to me.
i am happy.

a friendship resolved?

oh we were going to bus home

oh, no I will give you guys a ride home.

[ride home]

thanks aaron for the ride

yeah, yeah, nice seeing you again.

[he played typical-tickle me pink]

so stoked.

Your a wizard Harry- Im a what??

-This blog is dedicated to those who need it-

I once heard that if you believe that you will be happy, it will happen. That if you thought positively, everything would work accordingly. I really dont believe that. You are dealt the cards you are dealt. Its like a real life mafia game, with a poker twist. You see, you can trade cards, and get new ones. BUT, you need to earn those new cards.

Im going to be honest. I was put on academic probation last semester at my college. That means that I have one last final chance to get my grades up next semester or im out. Believe me. I was scared. I cried. I had this gut feeling, this sick, disgusting what am I doing with my life? kind of feeling. Because, for real.. what am I doing with my life? This is why I have been blogging about finding myself. About reaching and searching for my soul. what makes me happy. Because I dont know. Everyone has a passion, whether it be music, or sports, or art, or collecting orange tic tacs, me? I have nothing. I dont know what I want in this life. I dont know what will make me happy, and what I can make money off of. So today, I opened a letter from Douglas College. A letter stating that I need to arrange a meeting with a councellor at my school before I can register. Will I be able to go back and do school work that will only make me feel unworthy?

I had wanted to become a teacher, I have years and years of experience for the practicum, but just recently I started thinking about whether I can stand being surrounded by kids constantly.

My new idea???

To become a psychologist. I would be a doctor!

what do you think??

would I make a good one?

so lost.

kylie

lets be a bright star in the dark sky.

no joke. I want to push it to the limit. I want to live my life to the fullest this summer. why you ask? ... because I have this weird feeling that after this summer, i wont be able to. I dont really know how to explain it. and im sure your like.. umm.. you can be crazy whenever you want? but.. like.. this summer is it for me. this is my big shot. to do things that i have never done before. this is my chance. to grow, this is it.

wish me luck!!

its what we do for fun ♥

.saw this picture & only thought of one person.

i love you hun

♥

then fix it Dear Henry Dear Henry

This weekend was amazing. I went to two of my best friend's birthday parties. Donavin came along with me and it was the first time he got to see me with my friends all together. He ended up making friends with my friend Cass's boyfriend Donald. and we soon realized that they had very much in common. We have been going out for almost 11 months, and I had always wanted another couple we could hang out with so it wouldnt be third wheel-ish, when we hung out with one of our friends.. all in all this weekend really strengthened us and we grew alot. I love him more then i ever have.

falling hard in love.
:)
kylie

There's a hole in my bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza.

you are young. you are beautiful. and I can see a plan in play. I can see your life, and what is to come. but you are blind. you are waiting. you want to wait. thats okay, but sometimes you just need to stop. you need to just stop and look around. look at what is happening, and it all makes sense. you will get through this. I know it. you are so strong, and you will get through this. i know it must be hard. i find it hard to. but remember to look around. please just look around.

♥

oh to be young again.

Over the weekend I had my grade 7 girls sleepover. While they were there one of the girls called their "boyfriend" and was chatting with him. I wanted to ask him a few questions.. so i took the phone and proceeded to ask what his intentions were, and all the protective questions.

It was funny, and a wake up call to me that my girls are growing up. They are living their lives.
I am so honored and blessed to be part of their lives. I love them ALL.

♥

She is lost inside the place she knows best.

My heart is so swollen. There have been so many emotions that my heart has gone through the past few days, it feels tender and heavy. This world has forgotten.

Last night I went to Youth Church in White Rock. Our very own Simon Gau spoke, He told this true story about a man in Europe, whose job was to lift a bridge for boats, and lower the bridge for trains. One day he brought his son to work, while the man was working.. the son fell and got stuck on the bridge. There was a train coming towards the bridge pretty fast, and the man had to decide whether to lower the bridge for the train and kill his son, or rescue his son and let 400 people on the train die.

The man didnt know what to do and was very upset, but when the time came he lowered the bridge, killing his son. He screamed and cried as the train passed. He was hurt, his son had just died so he could save all those people's lives. The sad thing was.. the people on the train had no idea.

Sound familiar? similar to what God had done. He sent his only son down to die for our sins. He was hurt, and he was sad, but it was for us. And look what this society has done. They have forgotten.

We have forgotten.

hate me today, hate me tomorrow.

I wish you would put yourself in my shoes.

Tell me I am the bad person, when all I have ever been is innocent.

I dont want to be alone.

You saw my pain, and you prayed.

Thank you.

I dont even know you.

Thank you.

We are going to get through this.

We will be strong.

Let us be strong.

Sing a song for every tear,

Live a life for every smile.

Bad experiences happen before good ones.

Believe in me, and I will believe in us.

I am not the bad person.