i dont know you.

you could be dead for all i know. you could of been in a car accident. or raped and murdered. you could be rich. you could have short hair, you could have long hair. do i look like you? do we have the same eyes? same smile? I am blessed believe me. but you wouldnt know that. i bet your a fun person. I bet you have kids of your own, maybe even grandchildren. You probably spoil them. because they are yours. they came in the right timing of life. It hasnt really bothered me until recently. because really, i didnt think it affected me. but just like my blood is mine, you are mine too. I dont know you. i probably never will. Im not saying your decision was wrong. Im sure, you couldnt handle things when you were younger. thats fair. but what about now? are you just afraid of the conflict? the lies? you dont want people to know? see because.. i have a missing piece to my puzzle. which will affect me my whole life. you will never read this. you wont know who i am if i pass you on the streets. I only know your first name. im cherishing that piece of information. I guess i wish you the best of luck with your life. I pray that you are blessed like me. your special to me, and i dont even know you!?! your a pretty lucky woman.

good luck g.
kylie.

your nothing but a sad face.

oh hey. so. why are you ditching me?
why are you making this hard for us?
I understand you have priorities but you seem to be purposely avoiding me.
did i do something wrong?
or something right?
I love you alot, so it hurts that this is happening.
you werent in my dreams, when everyone else was.
maybe this is a sign.
maybe this is fate.

oh glorious God.

how do you manage to do the things that you do. you are so graceful and wonderful. you have such a pure-ness and know me so well. im so compassionate lord, you have silenced my cries. i feel like my life is so bright right now. new possibilities right now. nothing can stop me, and i have you to thank. thank you Jesus for dying for me, thank you for letting me live, thank you for giving me hope when i am weak. thank you for subtle signs. thank you for my life. I am forever faithful to you, and i cherish my life with you in it. Im so grown, I make decisions based on you, and what is right. thank you oh sovereign lord.

♥

you wont relent until you have it all.

my lip is bleeding. only close friends know that i have a habit and that the outcome is a bleeding lip. this day is fresh, i can smell the freshness right now. the rain pitter patters but this day is new and shiny. filled with endly possibilities. like one of those plan your own adventure books. no body knows how this day will end. And yet, what if it wasnt fresh? considering I was living yesterday.. what if you looked at it like, today is just a continuum from yesterday, and really this day is not a new one but rather the same one, just continued. what makes us know that we have new days everday. im finding it hard to breath more and more now. it makes me think of my previous prediction earlier this year. it makes me scared. i just wish i had a set map of how things will happen, and with things working out like they are, im doubting it will happen now. God wouldnt put these things in my life if it was going to happen.

dont worry, dont worry.
im still here.

theres a cry in my heart for your glory to come.

i feel as if i have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
and im not going to drop off all my emotions on this website like a shrink.
but i feel as if i might explode with anger, and frustration and confusion.
i need for time to stand still for me to gather my thoughts.
i miss her so much. and she doesnt care.
i want to be a better person. like a real better person.
why cant i get things right the first time?
why cant i stop thinking about those things?
im always putting myself in these positions, being vulnerable, and easily hurt.
i like being alone, no one hurts me, and i cant hurt anyone.
but no one wants to leave me alone.
they want me, and they will never let go.

you could be happy

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world.


Im frustrated, because I once again let peer pressure influence my decisions in life. Im not okay with this. I feel ganged up on. I feel like a marinet. I feel like people are deciding how I want to live. I just want to live my own life, make mistakes, have fun. Be myself.

please.