today

today i realized how much you mean to me. i realized alot of things.
just thought id let you know.
:)

and im not moving

hasnt it always been so, that you want what you cant have. or, even though its slightly the same thing, you cant have what you want.

right now thats me. in so many aspects. people wanting me. me wanting people. things in life that seem out of grasp.

I know thats life, I know life is hard. And I know its most likely not meant to be. But come on.


COME ON.

Im allowing the cracks in my heart to be smoothed over. if only for a little while.

its not always gold, sometimes its a really nice yellow.

all hidden

is it wrong if im happy?

really think about that.

can something be wrong if it causes joy?

pyramids were made.

so concrete.

a list. yes I have a list. of things i need to do, want to do, should do. people i need to see, need to talk to, need to cry with. activities to do, places to go. i need to start things, i need to finish things. things i need to find, things i need to buy. things i need to think about right now, and things i need to think about later. things i want to think about and things i dont.

so here I am. I am complicated. messy. but I want all of you. because Your Love never fails.

i know a guy who knows a guy.

im done with all the reasons to be afraid of what i enjoy. new day. new beginnings. bring it on world.

ding dong

Well its that time again, while I enjoyed my break from school, it is now time to hit the books again. And literally. that is what Ive been doing. For some reason I just cant get into the groove of school yet. Im staying up late still and occupying my time with other things. I am glad I am back in school though. I love my friends. I love them. And the classes although they seem easy, I know, will be completely different from last semester. Every assignment is weighted higher and more. greeeeeaaaattttttt.

In other news, I think I have gotten over my sad spell. I needed truth, and once I recieved truth I knew that I was happy and that I could move on. Its still hard of course. but life is hard.

onto bigger and better things, and for once i am going to be patient. i alwaaays talk about how im patient, but then i finish off saying, but i really want ________. Well its time I understand the true meaning of patience.

TIME. MIGHT.STAND.STILL.

but I will wait.


when my future is so bright, there is no need hiding in the dark.

amen.

you should probably ignore this.

if you are the only person that can help me get over him then please help. like a vampire drinks blood, i will drink the thoughts of moving on. i need to think of anything else. but certain things pop in my head at the worst times. things he told me and things i believed. i hate believing people. i really dont take the time to be careful, i just jump in. the water is always warm at first. but then it gets cold. and you want to forget. but you cant forget the warmth. not the whispers. not the smiles. not looking at the moon and understanding that there was an us. and for most they would have moved on like no bodys business. but me, im fragile. i break easily. and you didnt even have a chance of knowing that. that my front of being so strong. that is not all its cracked up to be. i dont want to feel this way any longer. i dont want to drown in the memories anymore. i want to fast forward to when im happy again. in time my child. i want to know happiness and smile upon it. in time my child.

ive been waiting so long. always tripping. always thinking. and here i am again. am i tripping? the biggest question. and i think i already know the answer. why would anything great happen this way. why would anything great make me think this way. that i think so highly of myself to believe that anything like this could happen. with royalty of royalty. i speak lies to myself wondering what is, and what isnt. and right now im just holding on to the hope that for once, i may be deserving.

my heart hurts, and everyone knows. but the truth of knowledge does not make anything change. unless people wish to change what is.