what is it.

i almost need someone to shake me out of what seems to be a bad dream.
one in which i cannot for the life of me understand what is happening.
i know this isn't how it is. this isn't how i am.
like one who faces great turmoil. i carelessly throw away precious innocence.
i play the blame game but for who. this is the real world.
life isn't perfect. there are snags, and flaws.
i measure each day compared to the last. and i am literally wasting time.
time so valuable.
i lack creativity, motivation, drive.
i don't actually know how it could get any worse.

and just now i think. is this what it is?
was this the life you saw. did you have this same life.
this would be such a good time to talk to you.
in all i do, i really have so many unanswered questions.
and i would give anything just to have you answer them.

i love and miss you.
entirely with my heart.
dd.