the day of dads.

Today is fathers day. Anyone who knows me really well knows that I cannot call my dad really anything besides 'daddy' or 'pappy'. I am almost nineteen years old, and still for the life of me cannot call my dad, 'dad', to his face that is, of course if i am speaking of him i will call him dad, and refer to him as my dad in pictures, and in text, but to his face, when I am talking to him, I need to call him daddy.

I have realized this is somewhat embarassing, when you think of me, out in public, at a store, at a zoo, at a dinner shin-dig, and I go to address him "daddy"... yea well, you can just imagine, the thoughts people are thinking, [did you really just call your dad that?] [is she a little girl?] believe me, i know this, and yet its like something inside me is preventing that word to come out when i go to address him. Its like when you cant get food down and you gag, your body doesnt want it. my body doesnt want me to say dad.

so now that you are filled in. Its fathers day. I am at work and I feel just terrible that I cant do something cool with my dad today. although we will do presents and dinner when I get home, its just not the same without my dad.

I have my dad to thank for alot of things. For one he is very quiet, and passive in a way. He isnt your typical overly protective father. He didnt threaten to kill my boyfriend, and I dont really have a specific curfew. We arent as close as some fathers and daughters are, but we have similarities, that i cherish. For example, I have his laugh, his eyes, and i think his nose... I am sensitive like him, im goofy like him, and i like to think we have the same sense of humour.

With this whole school issue, It is my dad who is always pushing me, who wants me to succeed, his dissapointment is only so strong because he wants me to be happy and to do well.
and now, on top of failing myself, im failing my parents, my dad especially as well. My parents raised me better then this. And I will show them. I will show my dad.

I love my dad, he is amazing.
I love you daddy.

kylie.