my dear friend.

its going to be hard. I know it will be awkward. and to be honest im scared. im scared your not going to want us anymore. to want me. im scared you will feel left out. it wont be the same. i know that. i expect that. but i dont want it to be like what we were never happened. what we had was just a period in ourlives. because i want to be your friend. i want to be a part of your life. i need to be a part of your life. and like right now im freaking out because i know that it will not be the same. i can remember driving. starbucks. snow. fun. love. i miss you. i miss your laugh. i miss how you laugh at me. i miss your voice. i miss your hugs. i miss our memories. i miss your presence. we are always missing someone in our group. your spot is always reserved for you. i miss your smell. i miss your tuna sandwiches. i miss our talks. i feel replaced. do you know what it feels like to feel replaced. to feel not needed. to feel like they have someone better now. new friends. new people to hang out with. like. i dont know where this is coming from. but i think these feelings have been supressed for a while now. that whole time i was acting like it was ok. like everything was fine. i was trying to avoid the gap between us. but you know what i miss you. i dont know if this is weird. or awkward or seeming like im really depressed. but i miss my friend. and i feel really confused and scared about what will happen next, how things will play out. and how things will be. until then i guess i shall wait. and pray for you.

hugs&kisses.