the tri-cities guy never came.

Words cannot describe this feeling I get. I try to explain how it affects my knees. How I begin to lose feeling. My stomach begins to sour, my mouth drys, leaving me in need to swallow. I cant. I want to scream, and punch, and throw things. I want to say mean mean things. I want to tell you that I hate that you can do this to me. That you can hurt me this way, that no one else can. I hate being naive, and so uncovered, so vulnerable. I know its a test, but honestly, I dont know If I will pass. I cant have someone else pretend to feel what I feel for you. I want to cry. Is this a joke? How could you possibly think this is okay? My trust is only so strong. I know its what you want, and thats probably the only reason why I would let this happen. But it tears me up inside, and makes me feel like all this time its been for nothing. You say what you want, I know things happen.

I am preparing myself for heart break.