my inability to be random no longer.

My mom is 40 years old. She turned 40 on March 17 and I still have a balloon in my room that says HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY. really? I wish life was just one emotion at a time. there I said it. I wish if i was happy that it would just be happy for a while. then go to mellow, then maybe sad. BUT NO. we need to experience all these emotions at once. like, jealousy, hurt, complete sadness, regret, longing, missing, all these emotions. when do we get a break? I am starting to love my second job, i dont have too many friends.. well, i dont really have any friends unless you count an old lady who carries mints in her pocket. something i do regret and am quite concerned about is that, i find at the end of my shift, i think back about what i think about during my shift, and, there is blankness, just nothing. Like.. I actually dont think during my shift, and when i say think, i mean ponder ideas, think of friends & family, think of God. so.. thats just interesting. I love brett. with a passion. I just love him and think he deserves better. And i will try my hardest to make him feel loved. Britnee picked me up today from a bus stop. made my day :)
in all seriousness now though, with the emotion thing.. could we take a break from multiple emotions?

download.

For some reason, all I can think about right now is Taylor R. Is this a sign? what does it mean? I am so worried for her. I dont know what is right anymore. I dont want her to suffer anymore but I dont want her to leave this earth.

God, he is quite a marvelous mystery eh? He just likes to put things in our lives so we can be tested, well i wont fail God. I will be strong. If this is your will, then this is the way. I just want to know that something will happen, that things will turn out. but that isnt up to me. its up to the lord. I am so impatient.

for now. prayers, for numerous things. but just keep me in your prayers. and ill keep you in mine.

love youuuu

i love my friends. ;)

oh you weird weird aliens.

maybe if you could just know all that i know. i wouldnt get annoyed with you so often. but you dont, you wont, and you never will. patience here I come.

why was it called a magical lamp? it wasnt a lamp.

one more day and im done this week. post secret tomorrow. im exhausted but i know my saviour will give me energy and strength. I feel guilty, but i guess thats the consequence that comes with sin. I am so happy for Taylor, and feel a strong amount of pure Joy in bringing someone close to God. I am starting to truly understand what it means to be patient and waiting in the Lord. He has his own timing. I kind of just love having two jobs and getting two pay cheques. Britnee is moving soon. Like really soon. This is a big deal for her. I know this. I am absolutely gorgeous. I know this. but I would really like it if guys didnt make it that obvious. the twins birthday party is today. woot. bowling. I am going to a hockey game tonight. oh pure coldness. timmys? probably. you gotta roll up that rim. volcanoes are nasty and scary wonders of the world. Aidan thinks I dont talk to her anymore. This could be true, or it could be the fact that im super busy all the time. I need prayer for my family. I didnt realize that there was so much hurt and pain and lies and conflict with in my family, and it was right under my nose. It has been really bothering me lately how people can just say what is on their mind to you even if it is mean. Like.. did you mother never tell you, if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all? I love my friends. and thats all there is. there isnt anymore.

`and do you brush your teeth before you kiss?

God which one?
I know you have a plan, but literally I feel so confused about all of it. Maybe I should just wait until something happens, and until then just live my life. But being patient is not something I am good at. I know what I want, but in contrast to your plan, I could be making a big mistake. Lord just show me the way and show me patience and peace. Let me be calm in this time. Because my mind is going crazy and my heart is doing flips. I love you Lord. I love you with all I have in me, my bones and flesh. Every blood cell has your name on it. I am yours. I will do anything for the Lord God Almighty.

So in this time of confusion and patience and peace. I see everything in God's timing and know that if one of them is right, that God will show me. I love that. Just the simple fact that God has my back. He will not let me down, Ever.

purely blessed.
kjpi

the sun always rises where it wants

you could stare at me with those eyes forever
i would be okay with it.
and if you blush,
i wouldnt judge.
we can be friends.
because thats all i want right now.
but, just letting you know.
i love your eyes.
♥

im going somewhere.

If only you knew my past, what i have been through. Why I am the way I am.

But you dont, everyone has little pieces of knowledge of my life.

But no one knows all of it, and no one will.

It is a heavy burden though, to carry all my memories, problems and sufferings on my shoulders. But i dont carry all of it. nope.

I have my God.

The King of Kings.

He is Lord God Almighty.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

well the walls do listen sometimes,

I dont know what you do in your spare time. I dont know if you even read this. but i just want you to know, that im doing great. and im happier than ever. thanks for letting go. because i have now learned to live without you. and its great.

I feel fabuloussssss♥