If i dont get these feelings out.. well. it wont be good. I miss him. but not him. i miss the idea of having him, of touching him, of being close to him. I dont miss the fighting, me being scared, him yelling at me, making sure that i was scared, so that i wouldnt talk back to him, i wouldnt stand up for myself. i know we were wrong for each other. but, taylor swift says it best, when someone tells you they love you, your going to believe them. I have someone just as close now. not anything like that. just a friend. but i told him i loved him, sooner than i ever did with the other one. but now its a question of, do i love him as a friend, or.. did i just say it because im used to saying it? is there meaning behind the word for me anymore? This friend. I want to see big things happening in his life. I know he will be great. I can see change in him already, it makes me smile. I enjoy spending time with him. but that is not where my heart is right now. my heart is bruised, and torn, its been stepped on a few times. I need to let it heal, I need to heal. before i start anything, or risk anything. I miss my friend. she is in calgary. although we bbm, its just not the same. It wil be okay though, she is back soon. even though today is cloudy and dark, my world is bright and shiny! i am in the midst of a major ego boost. I cant go into detail, its something for me. something i need to do for myself. but im excited. :)
I just had to get those emotions out of my body. sometimes i dont want to tell people about what is really going on in my life. i would rather just talk it out and not get any feedback.
this is really good for that. :)
ky.
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