when the moon smiles back at you- worth reading.

I cant explain it. For one this blog is going to be more random and unexplainable than ever. please have patience. right now. right this very second I have so much happiness. so much love. [listen to the rocket summer - so much love] I have found that you have to do things that absolutely scare the living day lights out of you in order for you to be happy and feel accomplished. I went bowling last night. I went to UBC yesterday. I went to tim hortons with 3 of the six pack. I went to Britnee's. I asked a question in History 1103. My lungs and heart feel like they are going to burst because of the excitement I have. I will get good grades this semester. I will achieve goals. OMG. charlie put a banana in your ear. please charlie. Brett. I really think this summer I should go up there. I really do. I miss my vernon family. Tessa I miss judging houses with you on ferries. I MISS IT. I miss leaning up against a pillar kissing him. feeling out of this world. I love feeling older than people-although I act younger than them. I love my hands. they are nice hands. I love ma mere's pockets. she has nice pockets. I love TWLOHA. I have so MANY CLOTHES (almost like Cass) and I have absolutely NO CLOSET. The wind blows my hair. I love being in Kyle's car singing Hosanna. Hosanna in the highest. I love surprising people by being super generous. my work pants are too short. I love YOUTH CHURCH. I slapped him. twice. I was sitting in the long house. looking to see if the love doctor thought we would work out. (we didnt) I love that my mom reads alot. I love that my sister plays video games. I love how generations have changed.. im in the middle. a good hair day is when i get my hair looking good. My feet have blisters. I wear flats with socks. im not doing homework right now. i look forward to the newspaper man coming every sunday to give me the tri-cities. one day he will die. he is old. the lotion used to be at my desk. it wasnt for a long time. today its back. welcome lotion. IM going to Spark conference. IM going to Britney spears concert. IM going to Disneyland 2010-new years eve. My best friend left last wednesday. he wont be back until christmas of this year. silly New Zealand. I cried. I forgot how amazing life is when you do amazing things. I love my work. One day soon I will get married. who is coming? I love Oscar. he snorts. I dont drink alcohol. how is that for convenient? I will have the best liver ever. im not giving you my liver when I die. its your fault you drank too much not mine. last night i didnt care if I woke up ever again. (that sounds super morbid) but last night i was so content with how my life was, I didnt see reason for it to continue. [i woke up-apparently its not as good as I thought] I love Brett's poems. -yes i creep- I agree, facebook has lost its thrill. I know nothing about cars and yet I work at a dealership. whenever I hug my mom, she thinks I want something. why cant i just hug you? I think im beautiful sometimes. sometimes i say wow. Im gorgeous. sometimes. i dont drink pop anymore. Tomorrow, it will be one month pop free. I wish i didnt have big boobs. I want long hair again. BADLY. I love God. I think i am going to be addicted to buying nail polish. I need more shirts. I am so excited for summer. I think i need to shutup now.
see.. it was worth it :)
ky-ry-sy-fy-my-ly-dy-lie

wretched.

Jealousy [jel-uh-see] noun.
1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

I never got jealous before.
Now I do..

how do you get rid of this feeling?

this is why I love him ♥

For the Longest time, Donavin was planning a surprise date for me. I had mentioned awhile back that, I felt our relationship became somewhat predictable. He then came up with an idea to take me somewhere, I had previously mentioned to him that I wanted to go. The thing was, I had no idea where we were going. He started off the day, coming to my house early, and we left to go to the skytrain. We got off at Broadway st, and went for lunch, at subway, again I had no idea where we were going, but had a hunch at that point that we were maybe going to his school (UBC). When we went back on the skytrain, that made me even more confused. You can tell in this picture here, that he cannot contain himself. He was enjoying the fact that I was totally clueless, and when we finally got off at Science World st, I knew it. He was taking me to Science world :D I hadnt been there since I was in middle school, maybe even elementary school. I was so excited and happy and truly flattered that he had remembered. I love him so much. Although I dont want to be one of those girls that needs material things, and outtings all the time, this totally made my day. So thank you, THANK YOU DONAVIN ♥

K-dawggggg♥

Your so butthurt <3

My Dearest Aidan is turning 13. I can't even believe it. 13! Obviously, this picture was taken 4 years ago, and she doesnt look like that today. She has blossomed into a beautiful young lady and looks like me in some ways.. [freaky] She wears makeup now, and is almost as tall as I am. She is utterly beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. But of course, society has reamed bad messages against females telling them, they have to be model beautiful in order for them to be beautiful. I love her and wouldnt change her for the world.
And Im so happy she is turning out to be amazing, and intriguing young lady. :) I love you din. <3

♥ Valentines Day ♥

Apparently I am worth being surprised, and pampered, and spoiled. Apparently.. For this Valentine's Day [My very first one with a guy] I will be spending the day with my love-bug Donavin, He is making me a 5 course meal, which he will not tell me of what it consists. I am really proud of him, because he let me know at the beginning of our relationship that he doesnt know how to cook, and here he is make me a 5 COURSE MEAL! He really is amazing. I love you sweety <3

Whats this all about?!?!

I dont know about everyone else, but I am hearing about PostSecret everywhere. I checked it out, and its a website you can post secrets to. I found these, sad, entertaining, and just.. WOW.
Its a blog in which you check it out yourself. http://postsecret.blogspot.com
Enjoyy
kathleenKylie?

Phila-Sophia

Socrates: I know what you want to say Meno. Do you realize what a debater's argument you are bringing up, that a man cannot search either for what he knows or for what he does not know? He cannot search for what he knows--since he knows it, there is no need to search--nor for what he does not know, for he does not know what to look for.

random act of kindness.

One rainy day on my way to work, as I was waiting for my bus, I noticed a man without an umbrella. Everyone else waiting had either an umbrella or a hood to keep them dry. This man didnt have either. I really feel as if I was called to him. I felt an instinct I would normally never feel. As I pondered what I was about to do, I realized we live in a society that doesnt care. People think whatever they are going through is much worse than you could possibly be going through. I walked up to this man, knowing he would probably think me weird, and asked him if he wanted to stand under my umbrella. Just like that. I will admit I was very nervous. But like I mentioned an instinct.. It wasnt mine. I believe it was God's. He ended up turning me down on the offer, but I made him smile really big, and we ended up discussing the bus we were waiting for. I felt so amazing, and really felt like this is what I want to be doing. Going out of my way to show kindness, to show compassion, and to be loving. Although I cant force people to do crazy things like I did, I strongly encourage it. It will change your life. You will be so scared, and nervous and probably fear embarassment, and humiliation, but in the end you will be rewarded with the feeling of accomplishment and truly wonder why it was so scary in the first place.
:)

kylizzers.

well well well.. short hair short hair.

My previous post stating I was going to Bears den Lodge was a total lie. Although I didnt know that at the time. I found out where I was really going. Alpine Village. Winter Green Lodge. It was a beautiful wooden cabin that was split into 4 sections. The 2 top sections were the bigger of the 4, and the bottom 2 were the smaller. It was truly wonderful but in order to describe the weekend completely I shall recap day by day.



Friday: I woke up and worked out for a bit, had a shower and was asked to walk my brother and sister to school. Yipee :( I did so, and found myself missing them so much as they walked into their classroom. I went home and made some lunch, and went downstairs to put some makeup on. My friend Josh called, and told me he could pick me up in a half hour to go get his sister, my friend Danielle. I complied and quickly put my makeup on, finished lunch, blow dried my hair, straightened it, packed the rest of the stuff I was needing, and waited for him to come. He came an hour later, which im not complaining about.. I still needed to pack some more stuff so it worked out well. We picked up his sister, and went to his house so he could pack. Silly boy forgot his tooth brush. tsk tsk.. Anyways, then we went and picked up my friend Britnee from her school and went to her house to get her stuff. Once there we made plans to go to Original Joes for dinner and met up with Kyle and Cass. After dinner, Josh took Brit, and I to get starbucchis. Once arriving at the church we got into Cass's grandpas van and drove to the ferry terminal. We missed our ferry :( yes.. yes we did. So we waited 2 hours for the next one, the 9 being the last. We got on the ferry and it felt reassuring that we were finally on trek again. From the Nanaimo terminal it took 2 hours to get to the Cabin. We ended up arriving at 1:30 and hanging out until 3 in the morning. haha.. yea...

We had to wake up early in order to get our sessions in and have some devo time. Also our meals were made by groups of 4 people in order for the workload to be fair.

Saturday: I woke up at 8:30 in order to be up, showered and dressed for our breakfast at 9 am. breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs, toast, and fruit. Afterwards we had devo time and then began our sessions. We had 3 in total on Saturday, each consisting of 2 1/2 hours of time. We would listen to a pastor, and take notes, and discuss thoroughly after. I learned so much, and I felt like our group was becoming more of a family than a group of friends. I cant even count how many times I heard these people fart,burp and just be silly. I love that we can be like that. I love them. We had free time in between sessions and in that time every0ne went outside in the knee deep snow. We had wicked battles of snow fights, consisting of Bernie, Tess, Matthew, and I snowballing people in the hot tub ;) When we came in we did our final session for the day. The session was about having "it", whether it be the church having "it" or yourself. We described having "it" as having reliance and faith in God, and the passion in order to preach and evangalize (sp?) to people. I started crying, and realized how deep and bang on this session was for me. I had lost "it", and I think deep down, I had known it all along, but wanted not to believe it. And to be totally honest, I believe I lost it after I graduated. I was no longer involved in church, and youth and I think I just got lazy. Then when I met Donavin, I put him before God, and made him more important. BIG NO NO. Anyways, that was a Big night for me, and Im so glad that I realized it. Later that night Tess, Tessa and I went for a walk around the village and got somewhat lost. sh. It was quite an eventful night, and we eventually found our way back.. :)

That cabin was so beautiful, and cozy I dont think anyone wanted to leave come leaving day. :(

Sunday: I was in charge of making breakfast along with Josh, Kyle, and Andrea, we made waffles and had some cherry, wildberry and apple topping on them.. SO GOOD. Afterwards, we packed up all our stuff and got into our snow gear and ventured out to the snow tube slope. It was very fun, and we ended up staying there for 2 hours. Once we were done, we went back on the bus and drove to the ferry terminal where we boarded the 7 ferry..(lol) and started our journey to go home.

It was an amazing weekend. AMAZING. And im so glad I didnt pass up on the oppurtunity to go. Now, being at IMPACT is more like being with family than with friends. :)

kyky ♥

Im going on a trip trip!

The Bear's Den Lodge, is where I will be spending my time this weekend :) I am going with the leaders of IMPACT for the weekend to go snow tubing. I am very excited and cannot remember the last time i went somewhere for vacation.. OH RIGHT this time last year. Anyways it should be exciting and I will take many pictures to share with everyone :)

skeetskeet.

eilyk. <3>

peace inside chaos.

I would like to think that God saved me from myself last night. Yesterday was my first day of this semester. I didnt get much sleep the night before, and I had alot on my mind as it was, with school added onto that, my mind was racing a million miles a minute, on myself, on things i should be doing, things that people in general should be doing, things that are going to happen, and things that have happened. My dad had picked me up from school, because it was pouring down rain, and i didnt feel like walking home in it. We went to Superstore to get some stuff for dinner. When coming home I actually felt like bursting into tears, breaking down because I just have so much going on right now. And that is when i was over come with peace, I cant really explain it any better then that. But I just felt really happy to be warm, and dry in a car, rather then homeless, cold, and wet. I saw a silver lining. I suddenly realized that, it really isnt up to me to worry about those things, because in the end, they arent important. God has my back, will guide me through life, and will unconditionally love me because im his daughter :)


praisethelord♥
kylieeeee

stick it out.. ohhhh yeeaaaaaa - right said fred anyone?

Once upon a time..
There once lived a girl, who although didnt realize it, was very beautiful. She led a life of routine and felt very bored by the predictability. She had many friends, and a wonderful family, and all was well except she longed for a person she could call her own and someday marry. She decided to look for one, and the process took many weeks for this girl. At last she found a boy who made her smile, made her giggle, and made her truly happy. He showered her with attention, and called her wonderful names. They truly loved each other, unconditionally. The only problem was this boy lived quite a ways away. And the probability of the relationship lasting was small, and so they ended it, still filled with love in their hearts, for each other they went off looking for someone else. The girl found another boy, but he wasnt a boy, he was a man. He was upfront, honest, and fell madly in love with the girl. He was perfect in every matter. A gentleman, a friend, a real gem. The girl started to forget about the other boy who lived quite a ways away, and started really liking this man. One day, the man told the girl he loved her, and wanted her to be his forever. The girl, not used to being told so many wonderful things, professed her love for him. Although she loved this man, she remembered saying it to the other boy, and it made her remember all the things, that felt right. Months went by, and this girl turned into a woman. She had grown to love this man, and dreamt about their future together. They were perfect together, but all the while, the woman kept thinking of that boy who was now a man as well. She later learned the man was in a relationship with a girl, and he loved her. When the woman came across him, she had confessed how she had been feeling, and asked him what it meant, when he answered, he told her he felt the same way and was confused by it all as well. The woman grew confused herself, and went slightly insane for quite a few days. Thinking of what should happen, and what it all meant. Then she realized that there are many loves, and although that once boy, now man made her happy, she was very happy with the man she was with and she loved him very much. He made her realize and see things about herself, that without him she would never see. He made her who she was and so without him she was a tumbleweed on a summers day.

The end.

Where do I go from here?

Most people who are close to me will know what this post is about. Well.. fine.. just Tess.
I am so utterly confused on how to direct my life. I understand things happen for a reason, things that are meant to happen will, and what is in the past.. is in the past. But what if you were so happy in the past, and now you are just comfortable. Taylor Swift says it best. I really have a heavy heart right now, and things are seeming really hazy and blurry. I really honestly and genuinely have no idea on what to do in my situation. Although all of youuss would like to know what im talking about.. im not totally sure of who reads this.. and would like to keep my mouth shut. But just know that im so confused.. and long for happiniess.. because in the end.. isnt that what matters?



heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllp.
kylie♥

my heart.

Watch you spin around in the highest heels.

you are the best one, of the best ones.

we all look like we feeeeeeel♥

I am a brat. I really am.

Guilt is really a gut-wrenching experience. I find it eats away at my insides and makes me feel squirmish and helpless. Donavin and I had planned to hang out yesterday. And when I woke up to snow, I knew deep down it wouldnt be smart for him to come all the way to my house to hang out. Although I had these thoughts, I didnt act on them, Instead I told him I would come out to where he lives. And when he considered me coming out to his place, he wanted to come to my house instead.. something about he would rather be stuck in the snow then have me stuck in the snow. It was a long day. I met Donavin at chapters, and my parents took us to the mall, and then to superstore just to get stuff. We didnt end up coming home until 4 and then Donavin and I took a nap. We had dinner and played Mario Party and Clue with Aidan. When it was time for Donavin to go home we went early to the bus stop. The bus never came, and Donavin was willing to walk to the station in order to catch a bus. This is when guilt sank in. In the first place, Donavin didnt want to come over for this reason. He would be stuck. I called my dad, and asked if he could drive Donavin to the station, and not only did he drive him to the bus station, but he drove him to the skytrain station. Needless to say Donavin got home early and was very thankful. But I however felt very guilty. I pushed it on him, and made him feel guilty for not wanting to come. I am not usually like this, the pushy-i-get-what-i-want-type of person. Because, in a family of six, you cant have that attitude. But I needed to see him. BLAH. All is done and well, he got home safely and early too, but it still made me look at myself and ask myself why I had done that..

solongfornow.
kylieeeeee

This just in...

Gordon Earwaker Is My New Hero!

New Years eve was, well a real treat. I spent most of the day getting ready and waiting to hear who was going to have a party that night. After figuring it out I got *someone* to get me alcohol and I left to my friend Courtneys to get ready for the night. We made kraft dinner and had it for dinner with chocolate. 1. My first big NO-NO. Transit was free that night, so we bussed to another of our friends house so we could go with her. We tried to call for a cab, so we could actually get to the party, but the wait was insane, so we got one of our friends to pick us up. When I got there the party was already in motion, and I started drinking. 2. My second big NO-NO. I had my period (meaning I already had cramps) and I felt somewhat sick to start with. I thought it would go away and kept drinking. For the most part it was just catching up with people I havent seen since graduation day. I drank 3 coolers, watched a guy put bandaids on his hand that he cut with a glass that he squeezed too hard (he was bleeding everywhere) and another guy jump into a frozen pool of water, and I mean frozen solid.. (that was pretty funny) and a girl who was so drunk, who kept talking to me about her ex-boyfriend who i am friends with :S and once we rang in the new year I wanted to leave, now so sick i actually needed to vomit. So.. as you can guess. I did. Over the balcony.. haha. NICE. Courtney and I had no ride home. (to her house.. I was staying the night) We started walking to the bus stop to see if a bus would come (1 in the morning) needless to say No buses came.. Once more I puked. which got on my emu boots.. NICE. Courtney called everyone with a way of transportation (people who were sober enough to drive) We finally got our friend Gord, (Gordon) to pick us up.. (after an hour and 15 minutes of waiting at that bus stop.. IN THE FALLING SNOW) we went home, and I got all good and ready for bed. I had a fever, and it took me a long time to fall asleep, In fact I didnt get much sleep that night. Courtney and I got home at 2:30. I woke up again at 5:30 to puke my brains out. haha NICE. and woke up finally at noon. I got my dad to pick me up and phoned Donavin. He got a concussion (sp?) for new years eve. NICE. Went to sleep around 1:30 and woke up at 5:30pm.. had some dinner, and then played a game with my sister and dad. then I went to bed.



New Years day was so miserable. My neck was really sore, and my legs were throbbing in pain. Any thought of eating food was quickly diminished by the memories of puking, and so i was very weak.



When I say this.. I mean it.



I AM NOT DRINKING AGAIN!

Donavins Scrapbook (:

Sorry About the lighting, I didnt want to get any glares. So, my first scrapbook, and well.. I dont think I did too bad.. Donavin said he really liked it, so thats a good sign.. :)