what is it.

i almost need someone to shake me out of what seems to be a bad dream.
one in which i cannot for the life of me understand what is happening.
i know this isn't how it is. this isn't how i am.
like one who faces great turmoil. i carelessly throw away precious innocence.
i play the blame game but for who. this is the real world.
life isn't perfect. there are snags, and flaws.
i measure each day compared to the last. and i am literally wasting time.
time so valuable.
i lack creativity, motivation, drive.
i don't actually know how it could get any worse.

and just now i think. is this what it is?
was this the life you saw. did you have this same life.
this would be such a good time to talk to you.
in all i do, i really have so many unanswered questions.
and i would give anything just to have you answer them.

i love and miss you.
entirely with my heart.
dd.

several chapters in one.

We said goodbye,

as we drove and got lost,

i cried my eyes out hoping you'd be honest with me

it was a miracle we couldn't find our way

we stayed up all night, 

laughing,

being together

i felt so safe beside you.

-scene-

lost and found

who knows how lost i am

i could have a pity party

but there is never a real reason for those

the real truth is within my reasoning

and i have none.

-scene-

i could say you are the answer to everything I've wanted

but i think i would speak too soon

all i said was goodnight

and you could tell there was something wrong

i had been meaning to send you something

something that would illustrate us

because we are an us

and i sent you something that belonged to a different love

i hope sleep and a wake up call will fix my mind numbing itself

i am living two parallels which i often do so well

one reality

one dream-like state

which ever one wins, gets the prize

me.

-scene-