let the sun shade the lonely.

im running in the dark, there are lamps everywhere and i cannot find my way. ive got fire in me but its only in rapid flashes. its not consistent, its not all the time. i just want to be filled to the top with gasoline so i can burn forever. ill burn for you Jesus. im on track. but not quite there. im trying to find my identity in other things. im trying to play the part. but the fact of the matter is. there is no part for the sinner. the only possible being that would want a sinner like me is the Holy One Himself.

ohh yea.
Him <3

spells were cast.

i was enchanted to meet you. i will forever remember the first time. and i hate that i need to write these things. that i need to get them down. but i think its a bit differeent with you and me. i just think.

so i will wait.
while you search.
:)

broken strings came on at work today, and i just sat there and tried to be okay with where things are at with us. like i actually dont know what happened. i cant even remember. i dont even know where my head was at. i mean, i was probably up in the clouds. far from this earth. trying to figure things out. trying to reach goals. but why did i let this happen. that was never my intent, never what i wanted. Even though i dont fully want to believe it, the only understanding i can come by is that it was meant to be. that what happened, happened for a reason. id like to think i know the reason. id like to think it was because i was meant to make new friendships out of this heartache. but its still a sore spot in my heart. and i honestly think it will forever be. im not quite sure how i can mend the things that were said and done and make them better, besides just move forward. i think my own therapy is to try and put as much space and time between me and that time.  all i can say, is im not that girl anymore. ive changed. i have different goals, ambitions, wants, desires, loves, heartache, laughter. im not saying goodbye, because goodbye is final, and who knows. we might need to meet up one time and connect again. where we are in different places in our lives. but for now, i say so long. so long to the long nights. so long to the memories of laughter and pure bliss. so long to the ever lasting love for you guys. so long to the times we cant remember. so long to the times we do remember. so long to those people. 

todays news.

i dont know what to make of you. of course im going to believe what i keep telling myself. i cant even put my finger on what youve become to me. its like im not worried, because i have this feeling that it will all work out. but i grow impatient, and feel as if we arent headed into the direction we are meant to go in. and then i just question if you are just playing with my mind. i question if the things youve said to me, youve said to others. my heart is so guarded. and i think honestly its because you seem so perfect. i think i just generally want something to make me sure.

and who said that? i cant even think back now and try to figure out whose voice it was. because if it was yours. what does that mean?

please dont fall in love with someone else.

calm my heart

im feeling content. im feeling sure. its times like these, times where i am so happy, and just content. that i wonder, if it is even possible to be down in the dumps. it seems like a far away world from where i am right now, i am free. my hair is getting longer. the sun is showing its face. the day is good. Jesus died. Jesus died today, a long time ago. He sacrificed himself. wow. i should have brought nail polish to work today. its one of those days. my lips are being chapped. why you no be moist lips? brought timbits to work today. its only been me and Jerry eating them... hmmfp. I miss my friends. but they moved on. so shall I. i have new friends now. thats what I say. Also, when i go to school, I wont want alot of friends. isnt it funny how God works? I did what I did without thinking. I am proud. someone took my charger.. I dont know who they are, but they just took it and didnt say thankyou. rude much? i hope they bring it back.. :S seriously thoo.. where did they go with it? its at Ashleys desk. i think its time to get an iphone. i think im going to text Danika.&Courtort. man. I am blessed. and i am bored of this. tumblr? sure why not. lets also text Jeff. its time. :) so long.

\:)