a days rain drop can feed the world.

she smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles when the world is hers and she held your eyes out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer and she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers she looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer but you've already lost when you only had barely enough to hang on and she combed your hair, and she kissed your cheek and she made you better than you'd been before she told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer and she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap she said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer" but you've already lost when you only had barely enough to hang on she said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"and you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure days like that should last and last and last but you've already lost when you only had barely enough of her to hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on

I'M SORRY

beggars can't be choosers my dear.

nights where its cold enough to wear sweaters,
and huddle in front of fires,
to keep warmth and feel calm,
where sounds are loud compared to the silence you hear
drifting in and out,
zippers, rocks, whispers.
where you truely feel free of
the worlds clutches on you,
where life is simple, and simple things happen,
where you can have peace and clarity in your day.
i want that, i want to go back there.

sins cast shadows over our souls.

you have moved on,
you have become a different person,
but the scars are still there,
they tell people who you were,
some may turn their heads,
some may judge you for what you did,
but in my eyes,
because you are alive today,
because you were strong enough
to get help, and take a stand.
you are stronger then many i know.
thank you for being there friday night,
for being brave enough to wear a t-shirt.
for showing the world that life is hard,
but we must be strong.
thank you.

avada kedavra

Harry Potter 6 was amazing.

Matthew- we need to go to Hogwarts.

reading the 7th again.

when those mouse ears come around.

4 times.
I will have been to Disneyland 4 times this summer. Today, as I was waiting for the dealership to be opened, I smelt pancakes and syrup and sausage and beautiful breakfast smells. For some reason it reminded me of Disneyland. For those of you, who havent been to Disneyland LET ME TELL YOU.

When you are walking down the street towards the entrance of Disneyland, there is Disney music playing. Most people who go, do not tell people about this. Like automatically you are in this amazing mood, and you feel like a kid again. Then you wait in line, either for Disneyland or California adventure theme park. They stamp your hand everyday with a disney character. that allows you to leave the park, (if you have a hopper pass) Everything is spotless, and clean. There is no garbage on the ground and everyone is so nice.

the rides are amazing. pirates, indiana, space mountain, autopia, i cant even find words. Courtney and I are going in August, We have gone together before, last year with her parents, but this year we are going together alone. im scared, but so much more excited. OMG. its going to be amazing.

DISNEYLAND HERE I COME.

why are you confusing me.

first he says that he is in a relationship, and wants to get out of it. then he is talking about getting flowers for "her". Then he is talking about taking his WIFE to harry potter. for real. this guy is so creepy. like. what is his deal???

"lets see what can do"

brett got his braces off. i wonder how he feels now. any different? i got a new camera, and i still feel horrible for letting him buy it. kyle is back home on canadian ground. he has soo much to tell me. im excited. im so happy for cass. i love her so much && miss her terribly. I worry about britnee. i dont know why, i just do. im sleepy this morning, but i bought some vegetables. destery is amazing, and i wish he was my friend. "this episode is about, i dont even know" i might go to mexico with Courtney next year. woot. sun. like 7 weeks until im in LA. like 6 weeks until im in PA. mmmh. thats yummy. chris said his baby toe weighs 1000lbs and is 10ft tall. wow. i want to fit in that dress. there was a post secret today that made me sad and sickened. the "grocery store list" one. i thought about josh this morning, and i thought about how much i wish i could talk to him, i need my best friend back. i have 4 days to fit into that dress. i am bff with my bus driver its not even funny. today she told me she wont be able to drive me next week, but she will be back the following week. i mean COMEON your jealous. i had a dream about being in a house. in that house there was a party going on with the most random people in my life. like one of the sales guys and Vanessa hudgens? omg like really. did that just happen? Rob & Kristen are no longer going out, oh darn. Jon & Kate dont talk to each other anymore, so sad. thats what babies will do to you. lets go to the beach. i mean it. lets go. scabs are actually so cool. it was sunny this morning now its cloudy :( why. oh why clouds did you have to come.
ok.
ill leave you with a little something.
"lets see what can do"
[brett you should know where this is from]

ciao

i miss my Tessa-ling.

♥

maybe God is sneakier than I thought.

We all know the quote "God works in mysterious ways" But until we see his mysterious ways in action, it is just a quote. Over the past few weeks, every Sunday, I wait with this girl for the bus. We dont talk to each other, or communicate in any way. But today, when I walked up to the bus stop she asked me if I was going to work, which I replied with a yes, and told her where I work. I then asked her where she was going and she as well was going to work. She works at a hair salon, and she cuts hair. We didnt talk much, but for the first time, in what seems like an eternity I felt a sense of relief and calmness and peace.

You see, I have always, always loved doing hair. When I was a kid, I was even determined that I was going to be a hairdresser, but was told that I wouldnt make that much money, and it wouldnt be a good goal for myself.

Well you know what? Right now I am looking at different Hair dressing schools, I realized that yea in the long run its good to have a goal to make money and be successful, but I need to be happy with what Im learning and doing with my life, and if cutting hair makes me happy. guess what! IM GOING TO DO IT.

I think I might develop a friendship with this girl [i dont know her name yet] but already have so much to thank her for.

and who knows, down the road, if im not liking the hair cutting so much, I can go and change my career.

I was so scared that I didnt have a map for my life, and that it wasnt planned out. I knew I was young, but I wanted to have my life all set by my mid-twenties. Im done with that theory.
I am young, and I have my whole life to do whatever I want.

OHHH YEAAAAA. WHATEVER I WANTTTT.

can you tell im happy? lol.

kylie ♥ xoxo.

he was a gonner.

i am never going to learn how to be good at giving directions, even to the bathroom. i regret everything. i feel dirty. i feel used. i feel out of sorts. it happened again. years of determination. years of stepping in the right direction. one day. one time. one reaction. i blew it. i dont care who else i let down. i dont. because the feeling that i have within me that rots my soul, and eats my insides will not go away anytime soon. as much as i try to run, try to pretend everything is okay, try to forget what happened, the memory will still be there and haunt me. they are scared. they act like strangers around me. I wish they would believe me. I wish they would understand that this will NEVER happen again. that this is the final straw and im disgusted. that im turning my back on whoever that was who did that. that i care about myself. that i have changed and that i have no idea why it happened. but they dont believe me. they think this is a real problem. that i cannot be trusted. that this is serious. that i have issues.

im done with that life.
why cant you believe me?