Oh my asian cousin.

Have you ever had times where everything is like, literally upside down, things arent going right, and its like you need to put the world on hold. In those moments I find that you need the people that are always there for you no matter what. I have lots of those people. But one in particular, I could tell him anything. Dont ask me why... Im not quite sure myself, but I could hang out with him for hours upon hours and never get bored. He makes things funny, and exciting and I really love him for that.
Yoon, I miss you. I feel terrible for alot of things right now, because I feel like my world is turned upside down, and im expected to be ok with these things. To be honest, Im not okay right now. Although this year has had some epic major events already, it has brought alot of confusion, and denial, and frustration. I feel like im overwhelmed with school, juggling friends and a boyfriend, and working on personal goals, such as learning to share, and be a better person. On top of all that I have had some not so good moments these past few weeks, and I feel really alone. I KNOW. im not alone. But I feel as if I cant tell people down here whats on my mind. Sometimes the closest people to you, can judge you the most. I need my Yoony. (haha new nickname) I miss msn chats. endless wall posts. I am going crazy over here, and I really need you to be patient, I need to talk to you as much as you need to talk to me.. but right now i feel i am dealing with the worlds economic issues. Or a pimple.. that you need to pop but it wont? ............ um.......... yea... dont ask.... Anyways. I miss you. I love you. And I feel bad.
lets talk soon.
♥

the tri-cities guy never came.

Words cannot describe this feeling I get. I try to explain how it affects my knees. How I begin to lose feeling. My stomach begins to sour, my mouth drys, leaving me in need to swallow. I cant. I want to scream, and punch, and throw things. I want to say mean mean things. I want to tell you that I hate that you can do this to me. That you can hurt me this way, that no one else can. I hate being naive, and so uncovered, so vulnerable. I know its a test, but honestly, I dont know If I will pass. I cant have someone else pretend to feel what I feel for you. I want to cry. Is this a joke? How could you possibly think this is okay? My trust is only so strong. I know its what you want, and thats probably the only reason why I would let this happen. But it tears me up inside, and makes me feel like all this time its been for nothing. You say what you want, I know things happen.

I am preparing myself for heart break.

lets be honest here.

The past few weeks havent been pretty. Dealing with an array of emotions, I found myself in the dumpster of all dumpsters. I turned my back on who I want to become, and because I did, I found myself becoming who I was before. Self concious, angry about little things, upset, inadequate, lesser. I became my highschool self, someone who didnt want to be noticed, because if I was people would see my cracks, my flaws. Part of growing up, is realizing that those cracks and flaws are what make you who you are. My Potter has made my pot the way he wanted to. With all my quirks, cracks and flaws. Once you see this, things become easier. So for these past weeks, I needed to deal with the old me, talk to her, and tell her that things will be okay, because I was meant to be this way.

Argumed.

I love Argumed, with all my heart, she is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I love how she understands me, and she makes things better, even when they suck so much. She is the best, and I just wanted to let her know that she means alot to me and I would really like to be friends with her forever!
I love you Argumed
:)
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk-rie?

Please show me the path.

hey God.

i have fallen off my path. I have fallen off my motivation train. Lord please show me your ways, show me your love and show me compassion and healing God. Lord I pray that I snap out of this phase lord, for I know through this phase I am weakest. Please God shine down on me, and bring your truth to my ears. You are love, You are my rock, You are my staple, You are my savior oh jesus. I love you Lord, You are worthy of all praise Lord and I lift you high. Thank you for my day, and thank you for my life. In Jesus name, Amen.

she smiled in a good way, the way a girl like that smiles.

"Hey" I said back, and he started down the steps toward us. As he came closer across the grass, I watched Monkey, amazed at his full-body excitement to see this person he'd only been away from for an hour or so. What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldnt even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both. I had to wonder, but Monkey clearly knew: you could see it, feel it coming off him, like a heat. I almost envied him that. Almost.

there ain't no sunshine like my sunshine

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,So tell me what you want, what you really really want,I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,So tell me what you want, what you really really want,I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.

What do you do when you are so excited and happy and you dont necessarily know why? Because honestly.. I was walking to work, and realized I could not get a stupid, massive smile off my face. I started thinking about everything that could possibly make me happy, and I realized I have alot.

moving to new zealand anyone? friendship that will last longer than I live. music that I relate to. an amazing boyfriend. the best mom anyone could ever ask for. a dad who didnt notice my lip peircing :) im hot cause im fly, you aint cause you not. motivation. friendship rekindled. ability to drive. organization. asian pencil case :D. [yes brett I just said that] valentines day ♥. vanilla frappicino in a venti cup with 2 shots. love. the therapeutic randoms. the times in the car. laughing so hard. thursday nights. getting good grades. being happy. a sister who is absolutely one of a kind. emily&lance who will always be my favorite 5 year olds. the cat that hates, but needs love the most. going to sleep. waking up in the morning. good books. goals. dreams. your grandma is a hottie. mcds. HOSANNA HOSANNA. your my favorite.britnee roberts. my many families. work family-impact family-biological family-friend family. are you high? heck yes I am. ON LIFE. haha.

kyla?

can you believe it?

I will be the first to admit that it isnt my birthday today. In fact its not for another 8 months.. but looking at my life, and seeing how far I have come since the first day of highschool, I am amazed. I know its cliche. Everyone matures, everyone grows up, everyone starts to have a different lifestyle. But like I had mentioned in a post in 2008, this year is going to be big for me. I can just feel it. Already I am starting to manage my time effectively (sp?) which includes, making time for school work, friends, boyfriend, family, work, God, and of course Blogger :) I find that because I am making more time, and doing things properley, I feel better about myself. I feel confident that I will mature into a nice woman. [i still see myself as a girl] Therefore I still have much more to work on, but I would just like to inform alls of yous that Im doing just fine. That Im actually growing up. :)

this just in..

the heater doesnt work, and im freezing. nevermind I got it working.
my nail polish is neon purple today :)
I get to go to youth church.
pho ho wa?
free starbucks.
new post secrets.
its FEBRUARY!
mr. groundhog better see its shadow.
i like lotion :)

your finger nail polish is peeling like a bad sunburn.

everything about me pulls you in.
my voice, my voice pulls you in.
my face, try to resist.
my smell..

[only only only Aidan will get this.]

♥

caves.

I'm caught Somewhere in between AliveAnd living a dream.No peace Just clicking machines In the quiet of compazine.The walls caved in on me.And she singsMy bird dressed in white.And she stingsMy arm in the night.I lay still Still I'm ready to fight.Have my lungsBut you can't take my sight.The walls caved inTonight.And out hereI watch the sun circle the earthThe marrows collide in rebirthIn God's glory praiseThe spirit calls out from the caves.The walls fell and there I laySaved.The walls are caving inAs far as I can see The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sure There's no one here but me Beat my body like a rag dollyou stuck the needles in my hip Said 'we're not gonna lie Son, you just might die Get you on that morphine drip, drip' The walls are caving in As far as I can see The walls are caving in The doors got locked for sureThere's no one here but meI fought a war to walk a gang plankInto a life I left behindWindows leading to the past Think it's time I broke some glassGet this history off my mindAnd what if we were married forever?Like the past never happenedAnd time did not exist for us at allI still think we'd still be traveling togetherThrough all kinds of weatherEverything's a piece of everyoneAs far as I can seeWalls are caving inDoors got locked for sure But I see these doors have keysWalls are caving inAs far as I can seeThe walls are caving inDoors got locked for sure There's no one here but me There's no one here but me No one here but me, yeah.There's no one here but me No one here but me

yo mama.

I admit it. I am addicted to this place called Starbucks. And although I don't agree with their franchising ways, their stuff tastes SO good. And therefore I don't mind spending 5 bucks on a drink. I know I know, high maintenance. Today, not having breakfast before I left to go to work, I went to starbucks to get a scone, and a small warm drink. [dont worry mom I got a wheat scone] when I went to pay, I was randomly selected to do a survey online, where once finished I would recieve a code, and then that code could buy me a tall beverage of my choice for FREE. do you like free things? I do! So I took the survey, and well.. I have the code, and Im planning on going to starbucks tonight and recieving this generous gift :)